I’m sapped––iron low. Sleep walking through my days––wincing with unrest. Went to pick up the kids from kindergarten––couldn’t speak properly to the other parents, mostly mothers, felt dismembered––not held together by a blood pulse. Grateful for G’s brown eyes, M’s kindness to him, her big sister affection. The fact that they love each other so much. Tomorrow we will celebrate Bassie’s birthday––arbitrarily since we don’t really know when it is. We will wear funny pointy hats, bake doggie chocolate cake, and take B for a run in the woods. This evening M produced an apple for G to eat in the bath––knowing his deep love of apples. On G’s birthday we will eat chocolate cake in the bath (after The Ballad of John & Yoko) and have a cream pie fight in the garden with his friends (after Blake Edwards’s 1965 cult film The Great Race).